I AM RANTING!

NO ONE HAS TO READ THIS--IT REALLY IS ONLY FOR ME
IT WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS!
FROM THE TIME I WALKED IN THE DOORS AT WORK TO THE TIME I WALKED IN THE DOORS AT HOME

MELISSA IN ORTHO: HAD SURGERY LAST THURS--STILL NOT WELL ENOUGH TO WORK--DOWN ONE!
LAURA IN ORTHO: NEPHEWS IN CAR ACCIDENT OUTSIDE PHOENIX--ONE KILLED--OTHER IN
IN SERIOUS CONDITION, NOT EXPECTED TO LIVE. DOWN TWO!
JESSICA IN OB: DAY OFF--LEFT ONE PERSON TO COVER PHONES!
GLORIA IN OB: CALLED IN SICK--NO ONE TO ANSWER OB PHONES! DOWN THREE!
GABBY AT SWITCHBOARD AND GREETER: BOYFRIEND KILLED IN AUTO ACCIDENT(SEE LAURA ABOVE.)
DOWN FOUR!
CORINNA AT SWITCHBOARD: PREGNANT, ON BED REST, DUE ANYDAY-GENERALLY COVERED BY GABBY.
DOWN FIVE!
GAYLENE ORTHO, OB AND GREETER COVERAGE TO THREE DEPARTMENTS--CAN'T DO IT.
DID PART TIME IN ORTHO, PART TIME IN OB AND ANSWERED PHONES ALL DAY FOR EIGHT DIFFERENT DEPARTMENTS, WAS YELLED AT BY A FEW PATIENTS, FORGOT TO DO A FEW THINGS, AND LEFT A HALF AN HOUR LATE FROM WORK!

HOT TUB: NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!!!
CALGON TAKE ME AHHHHHWWWAAAAAAAAAAY!

SLEEPOVER WEEKEND AT NANA's

I told the kids that I would have a sleepover with them on the weekend after school was out.

Austin, Ashlynne, Andrew...all of them bugged their mom about what time I got off from work, when I was going to pick them up, what were we going to do 'til she got there...all of the 20 questions that come from waiting.

I finally got there and they were all playing and I had to round them up. What the heck--I thought they were waiting for me. So we got pizza, rented a movie--Tangled-- and all but Austin fell asleep before 8:30 p.m. Now that's my idea of a sleepover. None of this staying awake all night. Then Austin fell asleep at 9:15. Wow! Could it have been any better than that?


The next morning they got to eat what they wanted--Pickles, Bagels, Rootbeer, Toast, Potato Chips...whatever they could find, they ate (oh my stomach hurts just thinking about it). I think one of them actually asked for Milk--oh yeah...Andrew!

Then it was off to the School playground to let them run free, exhaust them, played with the neighbor kids, played basketball, and let mom and dad take them home completely worn out.


Then the phone call. Mom had somehow hurt her back and could not walk, RJ had a meeing he had to go to, so I packed up all three kids, took them and Kassie and headed for West Bountiful to see a chiropractor that would see her at his home.

After the return home, we had to wait for RJ to finish with his meeting. By the time they left it was 3:00 in the afternoon. I hadn't had a shower, I got nothing accomplished and I just couldn't get myself in the groove to work on the house.
Afterall, according to Scarlett O'Hara, " Tomorrow is another day."

I took a shower around 5:00, put on my pajamas and popped in a movie and that was how I spent my Friday and Saturday!!!

MISSING YOU!

Last night the kids had Kassie call me and check to see if they were still having a sleep over on Friday night.
My reply was: "Yes, we are still having a sleep over, why?"
Kassie: "Oh they just didn't want you to forget."
Me: "Let them know I haven't forgotten and let them know I will come over after work to pick them up."
Kassie: "Oh, and Austin wants me to let you know how much he misses his Nana!"
Me: (bawling my eyes out!!!) "Tell him I miss them too!"





Suffice it to say that I like it better this way and I can enjoy them more and miss them more when they aren't running around under my feet. I really do enjoy being with them, but only on a limited basis. I either can pick up and go home or Mom can pick them up and take them home.

It just works out better this way!!!

A friend sent me this quote the other day and it is very appropriate right now in my life. And these days with the rain, it is VERY appropriate!

"We are basically paddling to stay afloat the best way we know how. With no two of us mustering in the same way, how we do it is more to be understood than criticized.
---Emma Lou Thayne

MATTHEW 24:36

Once again, the so called "prophet" Harold Camping was wrong. The Rapture, the Apocalypse, the End of the World did not happen. However I did have a haircut in case it did come to pass ( I would have had one anyway--it just happened to fall on the last day of the world). But my house was nowhere near clean enough and my laundry wasn't done and the yard work is always screaming for me to work on it.

I have no doubts in my mind that the Last Days are here, but again Mr. Camping, NO MAN KNOWS WHEN! (it is apparent that he doesn't know his Bible very well)

Wars, Rumors of Wars, Seasonal changes, flooding, earthquakes, tsunamis, disease, famine--you name it, it is happening and all prior to the Second Coming--but again people--unless you are God--you don't know when it will happen.

So all we can do as inhabitants of this Earth is to be good to all men (and women and children--no exceptions!!) keep the commandments, live a good life and and follow the admonishion of Paul---hope all things, endure many things, and hope to be able to endure all things.

That is how I see it and to heck with all of those other goofballs!!

BITTERSWEET

Kassie and RJ have been looking for a place to live and they found one. They move out this weekend..

I have, for the most part been, thrilled that it was going to happen. This way I don't have to fight for the washing maching, trip over children's toys lying around the house, have a kitchen table free from back packs, diapers, and winter coats, and the list goes on and on.

Now I can get on with my life--clean thoroughly, move furniture, have a T.V. room, and a computer room, find the kitchen table, and have a little more privacy...well, until mom gets home anyway!

When she let me know that they got their place I was thrilled and then I cried!

When she told Austin that they were moving, he cried too!

Those kids have been at our house early everyday for 6 1/2 years--Andrew doesn't remember living anywhere else.

But there is a time and a purpose for everything and it is now time for them to move on, me to move on and mom to move on.

The thing that is making me laugh is that she is very concerned that I will be alright by myself. OF COURSE I WILL BE ALRIGHT--I will just be enjoying the peace an quiet and when they visit--they can go home!!!!

I LOOK LIKE A "BOY"

PICTURE 1: My heart broke when Austin took the scissors to Ashlynne's hair in November, when Kassie and RJ were in Mexico.
PICTURE 2: Haircut after the shock in November.
PICTURE 3: (in maroon dress) Just before her 5th birthday in March (growing rather quickly.
Today Kassie had a dentist appointment and my brother-in-law, Keith, came down to watch Ashlynne and Andrew while she was at the dentist. When she came home, he presented her with a plastic bag full of hair and said he found the two kids in the computer room with hair all over and that Andrew had cut her hair. We couldn't understand why she had just sat there and let him cut it--then the truth came out!!!
PICTURES 4 & 5: After blaming Andrew for cutting her hair, she came clean and told Mom that she cut it so it would grow faster!!!
I asked her what she thought of it and her reply was "I look like a BOY!"

Seven months seem like an eternity. It has been a difficult, yet truly humbling experience. I can't thank my family and friends and church family enough for all of the loving support, inspiration, prayers, good deeds, and more that have been done in my behalf.

I am not the type of person that can accept help very easily, I am the one bringing you dinner, the one talking to you about how you feel, the one that helps out if there is ever the need, with no expectation of anything in return, because that is what I feel good in doing, yet I have had to learn to sit back and accept graciously the kindnesses that have come to me over this very difficult journey.

I had to go to yet another viewing of someone that passed away all to young and went to dinner afterward with my old roommate. She came out an asked just exactly how I was doing and feeling and although I have days that I could kick, maim
or otherwise injure someone who is no longer here, I told her that I am really at peace with the entire situation. Yes, I am angry some days, but aren't we all when something like this happens? I have learned to accept what I cannot change. I must go on.

This is not to say, however, that I still don't have days when I cry myself to sleep, want with all of my heart to talk to him about something one of the kids did that he would love, still have to stop and think that I don't have to yell at him to get out of bed to get ready for church, talk to him about how Ashlynne wants to know which cloud he actually lives on, how Andrew holds his picture and finally falls to sleep after a particularly rough day, how Austin would just love to read a new little book from school to him, and the list goes on and on and on......

This is a daily process that will go on for all time, but I amazingly at peace and have come to to rely on our Savior more and more to heal my wounds and broken heart and allow me to take my life one day at a time.

FIRST WEEK

The first week back on the job brought the following:
Monday--mostly observation and listening, etc. I was sitting in the middle of Melody and Maria and a patient's girlfriend came right up to me and started yelling at me that if they had to wait so long for the doctor, then we had better serve bottled water. When told that she could go to the pharmacy and purchase some or step out into the hall and get a drink from the fountain, she was very put out to say the least. You would have thought I had told her that she had to cut out the heart of her first born the way she acted.

Tuesday: Was in orientation, HIPAA Training, OSHA Training, clinic Goals and Expectations, yada, yada, yada!!! The computer testing for OSHA and HIPAA for two hours. It was an all day affair.

Wednesday: More observation, learning the ropes, learning the computer before official computer training and was hit on by a very small, dirty, Hispanic man (I don't want to offend anyone, but it always seems that these are the ones I get hit on by--I wouldn't even mind it so much if I could just look them in the eye!!!)
Through all of this I am learning a little more Spanish each day! I guess I understand more than I thought I did.

Thursday: Was a very dead day at work. Only 1 1/2 doctors in--wore head phones all afternoon and only had to listen in on 3 conversations, one of which was in Spanish, and played with the computer all day trying to figure it out.
I came home and told Kassie how dead the day was and Ashlynne piped up and asked me if I had been to a funeral all day!!! LOL!!!

Friday: I am not used to being on those phones and at a computer all day long with a break and I have a very stiff neck. Did more computer work and actually did some REAL WORK with patients. Had to acutally answer a few medical assistant questions.

In a few weeks I will go and train on the OB desk and see how they run their side of the building. Then in a month or so--I will be off to learn the medical assisting end of things. I really have a feeling I will never be bored in this job!

BACK TO THE OLD GRINDSTONE

After 6 long months of searching for a job, the search has finally come to an end. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, at least 500 hundred pounds worth, and this will be my home away from home.

I will be a receptionist/medical assistant for 2 surgeons, 2 orthopedics, 1 plastic surgeon and 1 pain management doctor. I think I am going to be very busy!
The facility is in West Valley on 4100 South and just east of Bangerter Highway, which is about 4000 West. I was really hoping for something a little closer to home, but I am not going to be too picky these days. Especailly when jobs are few and far between.
A funny thing about it all is that as soon as I said yes to this position, I was offered another one on Thursday. It sounded like a great place to work, but I have bills to pay and they weren't able to pay me what Granger is paying.
So tomorrow morning at 9:00 I am back among the working stiffs! And I am sure after not having worked in an office that busy for a long while--I will be stiff by the time I arrive home.

SIX MONTHS

My how time flies when you are trying to get a lot of things done, taken care of, looking for work, cleaning out the basement (of which I think is a long process)taking care of children and grieving at the same time. And although it has been six months, it also seems like only 6 days. I told a friend the other day that I would probably be alright in 5 or 6 years and at the rate I am going--I think that is just about right.

This hasn't been the best week, I attended a Funeral/Celebration fo Life for a guy that I went to school with, who at 50, had a heart attack--last Sunday.
I have had two "NO's" to job requests and am completely frustrated right now, and I have been carrying a a heavy burden around for a few days that I really didn't have a good feeling about and all I could think about was what was going to happen.

I know that our Father in Heaven hears and answers our prayers--these prayers were truly straight from the core of my soul and I am sure that I could go on had the outcome been different, but it sure would have been very difficult in light of everything else that has happened in the past few months.

Genette has suffered with breast cancer and is out two years. About a week ago she started to complain of severe back pain and nothing seemed to alleviate that pain. No amount of heat, rest, pain medication, etc., was helping. Finally I told her she needed to see the doctor. After a series of tests that determined no kidney infection, bladder infection, or any of the "back pain" related problems the doctor ordered an MRI--because of her history with the cancer.

Well, a call came from the doctor's medical assistant saying that the regular x-rays
were fine, but that the doctor would call her about the MRI because she wasn't at liberty to say what they reported. Genette told her that if it was bad news, she didn't want to be called 'til the end of the day!

We both sat on pins and needles all day. The call finally came around 5:00.
She has a compression fracture of her L1 vertebrae. Now, although she is hurting and will need to take it easy for several weeks, I have never been so happy to hear a diagnosis like this in my life. She DOES NOT HAVE METASTATIC DISEASE! Yipee!!!!

So with that I will say that I continue to have good days and bad days--not as many bad days, but still enough that I cry a lot.
I cry because:
-- Keith isn't here to listen to Andrew talk up a storm and speak better than Austin and Ashlynne put together,
-- because I am freezing cold at night and can't seem to get warm;
-- because Ashlynne and Austin talk about him alot--especially when mom and dad aren't around;
-- he should be going to Cleveland in the summer to pick up mom with me;
-- his nephew, Billy, is going to be a dad in June and he would be so thrilled;
-- Brighton turned one and he wasn't here to watch him grow;
-- he is not here to bounce my troubles and thoughts off of;
-- he has a ton of family history to do--now I am left taking care of it;
-- because I am still very angry at times;
and a plethora of other things that I can't think of at the moment, but will as soon as I shut off the computer and go down stairs and get ready for bed.

I have a friend that will text me every once in awhile with a quote and today she sent one that truly fits my mood and circumstance.

"Our afflictions don't merely precede the glory, they help produce it.
Joseph B. Withlin
"Press On"

I have to say that I have really been through the fire and I may be producing glory--I just don't know how glorious it will be!

The only thing that I can say at this moment of time is that I have been blessed; beyond measure, with great, supportive friends, family members and others that continue to see me through the tough times. I have a Savior that atoned for all of the circumstances that I am currently going through and if I don't continue to use THAT ATONEMENT in my life--then it is all for not!

BRIGHTON IS ONE

Yesterday this little guy turned one. He has a huge following of family. So large that the party was held at the golf course dining room.
He is a very good natured baby, a fun little guy and very loved by one and all.
He is the first Grandchild of my sister, Ben's mom and dad and Cory and Patti--so between the Schmardebecks, the Anderson's, the Bennion's and the Walker's--there is a lot of love for this little guy.
Happy Birthday Brighton--we love you lots!

BASSIT BAW HOOOOOOP!

Andrew loves BASKETBALL. He can spot the smallest hoop on the television, he sees a ball (any ball) and it is a "bassit baw hooooop." n He will sti there watching a baskitball game and be thrilled when someone is dribbling the ball or shooting for the basket. He is in heaven with basketball.
My mom gave Austin a basketball standard two years ago for his birthday and I think Andrew has used it more this past weekend than Austin in two years.
He loves, loves, loves, BASKETBALL.
He will crawl up in the chair to put the ball in the "hoooooop" and play for hours. He will scream and holler and carry on if it's time to go in the house.
After coming in the house, he will stand at the door and cry "hooooop" until I tell him that I will make a hoop with my arms and he can play some more.
THEN HE IS HAPPY!!
So Michael Jordan, eat your heart out--we have a hoopster on the loose and he may just be an NBA star in 20 years!!!!

DETOUR

I have had to do a lot of soul searching lately and I have really had to push myself to go to the temple since Keith passed away. When I was sent to St. George, I figured I would get there, but the weather really did put a damper on my plans--and I was tired and exhausted from putting in 10 hour days. So I made a promise to myself (or maybe a resolution) that if I went again to Dixie, I would go to a session. and what better way that to so some soul searching than in the temple.
For those of you who know me--know that I don't have a lot of luck when it comes to St. George. The First time I went to St. George on my own, I went to the temple, came out and stepped off the curb wrong and broke my foot! The next time I went, all the power went out from Richfield to Mesquite and we were stuck in St. George in the middle of August with no electricity, so we couldn't get gas, and this meant no air conditioning. It was miserable. The next time I went (with Keith, Mom and her friend Kathy, was to my cousin's wedding in Cedar City (not quite St. George, but close enough) and the wedding and precursor to it was just a comedy of errors. The only saving grace was the laughter we had later. I have to say that my cousin divorced this man and married a much better catch the second time around. The next time to Southern Utah was last month--it rained for 9 days in a row, we were nearly evacuated from the motel I was staying in...but it all turned out good.
Fast forward to this week. I left on Wednesday at about noon and arrived at 5:30--dropped off my stuff to the room, changed my clothes and headed for town. I was tired and exhausted and needed some rest--but I am glad I did it. It was peaceful and a pleasant break from everything that has been going on. It has been 10 or so years at least since I have been there. Although I love the historical background and the lovely design and it is one of my favorites--I still have a very deep love for Manti and always will. I think that maybe the church should have left that one as a live session temple, but then they didn't ask for my opinion. The next place I took advantage of for some soul searching and besides the temple, what a beautiful place to soul search. This place is truly ZION! I love Zion National Park. The weather was absolutely spectacular, I had the windows rolled down and some nice music playing in the cd player and I just drove and drove until I had to pay the $25.00 entrance fee (I may have justified paying the $25.00 if there had been at least 4 people in the car but I am cheap these days) and I turned around and headed back to LaVerkin (what a name) to head North for home. I think I got a little of my dad's love for rocks, but I prefer them in picture form than lying around my yard. So here are a few snaps of my trip to Dixie and Zion NP.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Oprah announced today that...are you sitting down for this?...that she has a a half sister! The horror and shock of it all.

Well, I am here to tell you that I have plenty in my family alone, that have step brothers, half brothers and sisters, adopted children, and if you really want me to get into the nitty gritty of it all my mother is:

one of two children (Clair and Gwen..children of Pete and Lucile,)
an only child (raised and adopted by her aunt and uncle (Lois and Al) after her mother's death),
the second child in a family of six (Clair, Gwen, Eileen, Trina, Curly and Buffy-- a step-child to Myrtle (Pete's second wife) and children to Pete),
and then the oldest of nine children: Gwen, Steve,Penny, Barbara, Condalee, Jeff, John, Sally and Sandy!!!

So if Oprah can make a big deal out of being a half sister to Patty What's her name--I have this all on one family line--no kidding. If you don't believe me, I will write it all out for you on paper!!!

This is why I do not watch television. Eat your heart out Oprah! I bet you wish you could claim this family line!!!

I REALLY AM AN IDIOT!

Two Christmas' ago, Keith went all out for me and it was an electronic Christmas. I got a new digital camera, which has since been sent to the camera heaven in the local junk yard. A new computer, which somehow saw it's better days and should be sent to computer heaven, but I haven't had the gumption to do that, besides, my cousin is taking the guts out of it and I will have the hardware in case I need it--why, I don't know, because we got a huge memory bank and transferred it, but I guess it is the fear of "just in case." I also got a portable dvd player that gets used nearly every week by one of the kids when they don't wnat to watch waht one of the others is watching!
But the funniest one is that I got an MP3 player, similar to the one in this picture. I don't know why I wanted it, but I got it and yes, I have never ever used it. .

Yes, I am really an idiot. I could never get it to work and quite honestly, never took the time to figure it out. And if you are wondering about operating instructions, for some reason, they never came with it. The store told Keith I could come in and he would show me how to download to it, but I never did, and I never did and, well...you get the picture. I finally sat down today and figured it out! Yep--two years and one month later. After all, it is the only thing that isn't broken and seen it's better days. Guess what? I works!!!

Quite honestly, it wasn't that hard, but I guess I just didn't have it in me to figure it out in the past two years.
Here's to some music while I work (if I could ever get a job)!