I LOOK LIKE A "BOY"

PICTURE 1: My heart broke when Austin took the scissors to Ashlynne's hair in November, when Kassie and RJ were in Mexico.
PICTURE 2: Haircut after the shock in November.
PICTURE 3: (in maroon dress) Just before her 5th birthday in March (growing rather quickly.
Today Kassie had a dentist appointment and my brother-in-law, Keith, came down to watch Ashlynne and Andrew while she was at the dentist. When she came home, he presented her with a plastic bag full of hair and said he found the two kids in the computer room with hair all over and that Andrew had cut her hair. We couldn't understand why she had just sat there and let him cut it--then the truth came out!!!
PICTURES 4 & 5: After blaming Andrew for cutting her hair, she came clean and told Mom that she cut it so it would grow faster!!!
I asked her what she thought of it and her reply was "I look like a BOY!"

Seven months seem like an eternity. It has been a difficult, yet truly humbling experience. I can't thank my family and friends and church family enough for all of the loving support, inspiration, prayers, good deeds, and more that have been done in my behalf.

I am not the type of person that can accept help very easily, I am the one bringing you dinner, the one talking to you about how you feel, the one that helps out if there is ever the need, with no expectation of anything in return, because that is what I feel good in doing, yet I have had to learn to sit back and accept graciously the kindnesses that have come to me over this very difficult journey.

I had to go to yet another viewing of someone that passed away all to young and went to dinner afterward with my old roommate. She came out an asked just exactly how I was doing and feeling and although I have days that I could kick, maim
or otherwise injure someone who is no longer here, I told her that I am really at peace with the entire situation. Yes, I am angry some days, but aren't we all when something like this happens? I have learned to accept what I cannot change. I must go on.

This is not to say, however, that I still don't have days when I cry myself to sleep, want with all of my heart to talk to him about something one of the kids did that he would love, still have to stop and think that I don't have to yell at him to get out of bed to get ready for church, talk to him about how Ashlynne wants to know which cloud he actually lives on, how Andrew holds his picture and finally falls to sleep after a particularly rough day, how Austin would just love to read a new little book from school to him, and the list goes on and on and on......

This is a daily process that will go on for all time, but I amazingly at peace and have come to to rely on our Savior more and more to heal my wounds and broken heart and allow me to take my life one day at a time.

FIRST WEEK

The first week back on the job brought the following:
Monday--mostly observation and listening, etc. I was sitting in the middle of Melody and Maria and a patient's girlfriend came right up to me and started yelling at me that if they had to wait so long for the doctor, then we had better serve bottled water. When told that she could go to the pharmacy and purchase some or step out into the hall and get a drink from the fountain, she was very put out to say the least. You would have thought I had told her that she had to cut out the heart of her first born the way she acted.

Tuesday: Was in orientation, HIPAA Training, OSHA Training, clinic Goals and Expectations, yada, yada, yada!!! The computer testing for OSHA and HIPAA for two hours. It was an all day affair.

Wednesday: More observation, learning the ropes, learning the computer before official computer training and was hit on by a very small, dirty, Hispanic man (I don't want to offend anyone, but it always seems that these are the ones I get hit on by--I wouldn't even mind it so much if I could just look them in the eye!!!)
Through all of this I am learning a little more Spanish each day! I guess I understand more than I thought I did.

Thursday: Was a very dead day at work. Only 1 1/2 doctors in--wore head phones all afternoon and only had to listen in on 3 conversations, one of which was in Spanish, and played with the computer all day trying to figure it out.
I came home and told Kassie how dead the day was and Ashlynne piped up and asked me if I had been to a funeral all day!!! LOL!!!

Friday: I am not used to being on those phones and at a computer all day long with a break and I have a very stiff neck. Did more computer work and actually did some REAL WORK with patients. Had to acutally answer a few medical assistant questions.

In a few weeks I will go and train on the OB desk and see how they run their side of the building. Then in a month or so--I will be off to learn the medical assisting end of things. I really have a feeling I will never be bored in this job!

BACK TO THE OLD GRINDSTONE

After 6 long months of searching for a job, the search has finally come to an end. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, at least 500 hundred pounds worth, and this will be my home away from home.

I will be a receptionist/medical assistant for 2 surgeons, 2 orthopedics, 1 plastic surgeon and 1 pain management doctor. I think I am going to be very busy!
The facility is in West Valley on 4100 South and just east of Bangerter Highway, which is about 4000 West. I was really hoping for something a little closer to home, but I am not going to be too picky these days. Especailly when jobs are few and far between.
A funny thing about it all is that as soon as I said yes to this position, I was offered another one on Thursday. It sounded like a great place to work, but I have bills to pay and they weren't able to pay me what Granger is paying.
So tomorrow morning at 9:00 I am back among the working stiffs! And I am sure after not having worked in an office that busy for a long while--I will be stiff by the time I arrive home.

SIX MONTHS

My how time flies when you are trying to get a lot of things done, taken care of, looking for work, cleaning out the basement (of which I think is a long process)taking care of children and grieving at the same time. And although it has been six months, it also seems like only 6 days. I told a friend the other day that I would probably be alright in 5 or 6 years and at the rate I am going--I think that is just about right.

This hasn't been the best week, I attended a Funeral/Celebration fo Life for a guy that I went to school with, who at 50, had a heart attack--last Sunday.
I have had two "NO's" to job requests and am completely frustrated right now, and I have been carrying a a heavy burden around for a few days that I really didn't have a good feeling about and all I could think about was what was going to happen.

I know that our Father in Heaven hears and answers our prayers--these prayers were truly straight from the core of my soul and I am sure that I could go on had the outcome been different, but it sure would have been very difficult in light of everything else that has happened in the past few months.

Genette has suffered with breast cancer and is out two years. About a week ago she started to complain of severe back pain and nothing seemed to alleviate that pain. No amount of heat, rest, pain medication, etc., was helping. Finally I told her she needed to see the doctor. After a series of tests that determined no kidney infection, bladder infection, or any of the "back pain" related problems the doctor ordered an MRI--because of her history with the cancer.

Well, a call came from the doctor's medical assistant saying that the regular x-rays
were fine, but that the doctor would call her about the MRI because she wasn't at liberty to say what they reported. Genette told her that if it was bad news, she didn't want to be called 'til the end of the day!

We both sat on pins and needles all day. The call finally came around 5:00.
She has a compression fracture of her L1 vertebrae. Now, although she is hurting and will need to take it easy for several weeks, I have never been so happy to hear a diagnosis like this in my life. She DOES NOT HAVE METASTATIC DISEASE! Yipee!!!!

So with that I will say that I continue to have good days and bad days--not as many bad days, but still enough that I cry a lot.
I cry because:
-- Keith isn't here to listen to Andrew talk up a storm and speak better than Austin and Ashlynne put together,
-- because I am freezing cold at night and can't seem to get warm;
-- because Ashlynne and Austin talk about him alot--especially when mom and dad aren't around;
-- he should be going to Cleveland in the summer to pick up mom with me;
-- his nephew, Billy, is going to be a dad in June and he would be so thrilled;
-- Brighton turned one and he wasn't here to watch him grow;
-- he is not here to bounce my troubles and thoughts off of;
-- he has a ton of family history to do--now I am left taking care of it;
-- because I am still very angry at times;
and a plethora of other things that I can't think of at the moment, but will as soon as I shut off the computer and go down stairs and get ready for bed.

I have a friend that will text me every once in awhile with a quote and today she sent one that truly fits my mood and circumstance.

"Our afflictions don't merely precede the glory, they help produce it.
Joseph B. Withlin
"Press On"

I have to say that I have really been through the fire and I may be producing glory--I just don't know how glorious it will be!

The only thing that I can say at this moment of time is that I have been blessed; beyond measure, with great, supportive friends, family members and others that continue to see me through the tough times. I have a Savior that atoned for all of the circumstances that I am currently going through and if I don't continue to use THAT ATONEMENT in my life--then it is all for not!

BRIGHTON IS ONE

Yesterday this little guy turned one. He has a huge following of family. So large that the party was held at the golf course dining room.
He is a very good natured baby, a fun little guy and very loved by one and all.
He is the first Grandchild of my sister, Ben's mom and dad and Cory and Patti--so between the Schmardebecks, the Anderson's, the Bennion's and the Walker's--there is a lot of love for this little guy.
Happy Birthday Brighton--we love you lots!

BASSIT BAW HOOOOOOP!

Andrew loves BASKETBALL. He can spot the smallest hoop on the television, he sees a ball (any ball) and it is a "bassit baw hooooop." n He will sti there watching a baskitball game and be thrilled when someone is dribbling the ball or shooting for the basket. He is in heaven with basketball.
My mom gave Austin a basketball standard two years ago for his birthday and I think Andrew has used it more this past weekend than Austin in two years.
He loves, loves, loves, BASKETBALL.
He will crawl up in the chair to put the ball in the "hoooooop" and play for hours. He will scream and holler and carry on if it's time to go in the house.
After coming in the house, he will stand at the door and cry "hooooop" until I tell him that I will make a hoop with my arms and he can play some more.
THEN HE IS HAPPY!!
So Michael Jordan, eat your heart out--we have a hoopster on the loose and he may just be an NBA star in 20 years!!!!