CLEVELAND OR BUST (her in the chops---urrrrh!)

My mother has the same companion for 18 months of her mission. I guess it is better that you go with your spouse because you are used to the idiosycransies and with a total unknown, it is hard to love and appreciate it as much.

This woman has a lot of weird ideas and ways of doing things.

The Peoria Mission closed it's doors as a mission on June 20th. The only thing keeping anyone there was finishing up reports and making sure everything was where it needed to go, i.e. Des Moines or St. Louis. So for nine days they have had no Mission President to really answer to, although if there was a problem they had to call Des Moines, but they were to finish up reports and financial sheets, you name it, it should have been done, but...

Before they headed to Cleveland they wanted to go to Columbus and do a session in the Columbus Temple, because this temple is not in their district. They made appointments to be there at 9:00 this morning, but....

Sister Homer is the ultimate of ultimate passive aggressive persons and this is the telephone text conversation that I have had with my mom beginning Friday and I will probably hear more before the end of the night (Sat)!
this is a bit lengthy, but it is FUNNY!

Gaylene: Have you left Peoria yet, or (joking) are you still sitting at the office waiting for her (Sis. Homer) to finish?
Mom: (6:10 p.m.) Yes, I am still at the office. this is completely ridiculous. Her office looks like a tornado hit is and she keeps finding more to do. I don't think I would ever consider going on another mission. Now she is outside, hammering keys to bend them so they can't be used and she still has a stack of papers 6 inches high to shred. I'm sure not being tolerant of my fellow man, or in this case, woman!
Gaylene: Breathe in thru the nose, out thru the mouth. What time are you supposed to report to the mission home?
Mom: I lied, she has an entire box of shredding. She doesn't want to throw anything away and keeps going through the SAME papers, trying to decide if she should send them to Des Moines, or shred them. What is God trying to teach me? If it is patience, it's not working. My stress level is off the charts.
(on reporting to the mission home) Sometime tomorrow.
Now she is talking about not leaving until tomorrow and shipping the shred pile to Cleveland and shredding it there. The other day she told me how I need to be more organized!!! (are you kidding me)
Now she just wants too find someplace to burn them!
Gaylene: Dang, I was driving and and you were too quick. I wanted to say, "Can you spell F.I.R.E.? And ask her to look at herself and ask who is calling the kettle black? Is the car packed? Does she realize it is almost 7:00 (CST). Obviously you are not going to make the 9:00 session at the Columbus Temple.
Mom: No, the car isn't packed and now we are BACK at the office. Can I come Home???
Gaylene: The house is really messy right now, Sorry!
Mom: And you think our apartment is spotless? She has "droven" me nuts many, many times, but I think today is the epitome!!!
Gaylene: She has "droven" you nuts? That is very poor English.
Mom: that's more extreme than "Driven."
Gaylene: Ohhhh!
Mom: (7:48) We are still at the office!
Gaylene: It's almost 8:00--Tell her it is time to leave---NOW!!!
Mom: She is not done yet.
Gaylene: Tell her "YOU ARE!!!"
Mom: (8:08) We are going home now.
Gaylene: Good Grief Charlie Brown!!
Mom: I fell asleep at my desk and put a big groove from the edge of the desk in my forehead!---Oh...I lied, she is still puttering. And singing while I seethe!
Gaylene: Should You Fell Inclined To Censure and/or Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words to Each Other!
Mom: these are the kindest words I could think of right now, without swearing, of which I haven't done for 5 months. I slipped once.
Mom: (10:30 p.m.) I am still in Peoria. Love you!

Saturday, July 10th, 2010
Mom: (9:24 a.m.) Good Morning. Would you believe that the brakes on the car have been squeaking for 3 months and she has decided this morning that she needs to have them checked before we leave. No the car isn't packed, Yet.
Oh yeah, I forgot. She "FORGOT" to shred the office records. So now we have to find a place.
Gaylene: I get the feeling that you won't be making the 9:00 session in Columbus or any session at all for that matter.
Someone needs to talk to this woman about procrastination and organization.
Mom: (1:22) We are still in Peoria.
Gaylene: All I can say is "OH MY H$%%!!! What is this woman's problem?
Mom: Everything is in the car, my half of the car has half of her stuff--so really I only have one quarter of the car. I am STILL sitting in a HOT car waiting for her to say goodbye to an... (there was a broken message here and it didn't come up)
Mom: (2:00) We are in the car headed to get the brakes checked.
Mom: (2:21) We are really on our way---after we stop at Walmart for a road map, but she took the wrong exit, so I really don't know where we are going.
Gaylene: Give me her phone number. I am going to call her and tell her just what I am thinking right now!
Mom: she doesn't have a cell phone. Remember the office phone she had, she never turned on and anyway, besides, she doesn't like modern conveniences.
Gaylene: Good thing. Tell her she is now the subject of my next blog entry. Unbelievable!!!
Mom: (2:37) I have been up since 4:30 a.m. and I am totally exhausted. Not to mention I haven't had an actual meal since our friends too us to lunch on Thursday. I figure I might lose weight after all.
Gaylene: Well, she is so organized and procrastinated for so long, unlike yourself (laughing out loud to myself) Tell her you need to stop somewhere and get a burger or something. It's the least she can do for you!!! How long is the drive to Cleveland again?
Mom: Eight hours
Gaylene: So you should get there around Midnight or Two a.m. sometime. Oh the lucky Sorenson's (Mission President)
Mom: We are going to the apartment--the Birklands will be waiting, and waiting, and waiting for us!!! Oh my..., she forgot to shred the Financial Papers--but she pulled a can of tomatoes and some oatmeal out of the dumpster--what gives there?
Gaylene: Should I call the Birkland's and warn them?
Mom: Nah! Let's surprise them. The problem is that she comes across as being very knowledgeable and efficient to others! And she makes sure everyone knows I am very inept. She is so passive aggressive. She didn't believe I read the road sign correctly because we were going south instead of east. So...she got off the freeway and went down a road for about two miles before she could fine a place to pull over and read the map and guess what she said? Oh the road does go south! (Duh!!) Now she is taking pictures of the road signs WHILE SHE IS DRIVING!
Gaylene: Well I guess you must set everyone straight about the two of you. Maybe you will get there before you have to head to church tomorrow.
Mom: It doesn't start until 11:00 So we might make it, maybe?
Gaylene: Don't hold your breath.
Mom: I hold my breath every time we get in the car and go anywhere.
Gaylene: You may be blue before you get there.
Mom: Or dead!
Hopefully they will make it in one piece and pray for mom to have more patience, because she just may kill her or bust her in the chops.
One day I will post all the weird and strange things she does, just so you can get a glimpse of what mom lives with.