My how time flies when you are trying to get a lot of things done, taken care of, looking for work, cleaning out the basement (of which I think is a long process)taking care of children and grieving at the same time. And although it has been six months, it also seems like only 6 days. I told a friend the other day that I would probably be alright in 5 or 6 years and at the rate I am going--I think that is just about right.
This hasn't been the best week, I attended a Funeral/Celebration fo Life for a guy that I went to school with, who at 50, had a heart attack--last Sunday.
I have had two "NO's" to job requests and am completely frustrated right now, and I have been carrying a a heavy burden around for a few days that I really didn't have a good feeling about and all I could think about was what was going to happen.
I know that our Father in Heaven hears and answers our prayers--these prayers were truly straight from the core of my soul and I am sure that I could go on had the outcome been different, but it sure would have been very difficult in light of everything else that has happened in the past few months.
Genette has suffered with breast cancer and is out two years. About a week ago she started to complain of severe back pain and nothing seemed to alleviate that pain. No amount of heat, rest, pain medication, etc., was helping. Finally I told her she needed to see the doctor. After a series of tests that determined no kidney infection, bladder infection, or any of the "back pain" related problems the doctor ordered an MRI--because of her history with the cancer.
Well, a call came from the doctor's medical assistant saying that the regular x-rays
were fine, but that the doctor would call her about the MRI because she wasn't at liberty to say what they reported. Genette told her that if it was bad news, she didn't want to be called 'til the end of the day!
We both sat on pins and needles all day. The call finally came around 5:00.
She has a compression fracture of her L1 vertebrae. Now, although she is hurting and will need to take it easy for several weeks, I have never been so happy to hear a diagnosis like this in my life. She DOES NOT HAVE METASTATIC DISEASE! Yipee!!!!
So with that I will say that I continue to have good days and bad days--not as many bad days, but still enough that I cry a lot.
I cry because:
-- Keith isn't here to listen to Andrew talk up a storm and speak better than Austin and Ashlynne put together,
-- because I am freezing cold at night and can't seem to get warm;
-- because Ashlynne and Austin talk about him alot--especially when mom and dad aren't around;
-- he should be going to Cleveland in the summer to pick up mom with me;
-- his nephew, Billy, is going to be a dad in June and he would be so thrilled;
-- Brighton turned one and he wasn't here to watch him grow;
-- he is not here to bounce my troubles and thoughts off of;
-- he has a ton of family history to do--now I am left taking care of it;
-- because I am still very angry at times;
and a plethora of other things that I can't think of at the moment, but will as soon as I shut off the computer and go down stairs and get ready for bed.
I have a friend that will text me every once in awhile with a quote and today she sent one that truly fits my mood and circumstance.
"Our afflictions don't merely precede the glory, they help produce it.
Joseph B. Withlin
"Press On"
I have to say that I have really been through the fire and I may be producing glory--I just don't know how glorious it will be!
The only thing that I can say at this moment of time is that I have been blessed; beyond measure, with great, supportive friends, family members and others that continue to see me through the tough times. I have a Savior that atoned for all of the circumstances that I am currently going through and if I don't continue to use THAT ATONEMENT in my life--then it is all for not!
Fhe.......
9 years ago
